I Wanted to Quit Ministry, But God Sent Revival Instead
I was deeply discouraged, yet hopefully desiring a move of God.
I was entering my eighth year of ministry at Christ Fellowship and we were stagnant. It was a beautiful church family, but we were stuck. I felt fully responsible for the ineffectiveness of our church.
The devil played with my mind. He would whisper to me, “You are the reason God hasn’t blessed this church. If you were any good they would come. These people don’t love you. The people leave the church because of you.” In the middle of my sermon his voice would speak to me, “They are never gonna get it. You’re wasting your time. Someone else could do a better job.”
The harassment wasn’t limited to when I was at the church. Oh no, satan would capitalize most often on my ride home from church after the Sunday morning service. He would shout in my ear, “Your crowd was small today. People are leaving the church and you are the reason. You are a weak leader.”
The enemy’s assaults were relentless and the constant barrage of indictments were brutal. The attacks were having an immense toll on me, especially emotionally.
The fast started out normally; however, just over two weeks into the fast something happened I will never forget. Let me explain. Each day I would make my way into the sanctuary to pray; then one morning as I was walking across the platform toward our baptistery, out of nowhere I had an open vision.
In the natural, the baptistery was empty, there was no water in the tank. However, in the vision I saw the baptistery full of water and there was fire on the surface of the water. The fire on the water was two to three feet wide and stretched from the front of the baptistery to the back. It reminded me how gasoline burns on top of water. The open vision lasted a short eight to ten seconds.
As soon as the vision ended, the Lord spoke clearly to me, I will never forget what He said, “I am going to baptize people with Holy Spirit fire.”
The Waiting
A week passed. I knew the Lord had spoken to me regarding the fire on the water, but I didn’t understand the full depth of the vision. One morning, I woke up and immediately felt a heaviness, and I was extremely frustrated and depressed. I sluggishly rolled out of bed and walked into the living room; I didn’t even bother to turn on any lights.
Karen knew something was wrong and rightfully discerned that I needed some time by myself to work through whatever was bothering me.
While sitting on the brown swivel stool at the counter in our kitchen, I methodically started evaluating my ministry. Once again my mind immediately drifted to all the things that weren’t right about me and the church. The more I thought about my ministry and the church, the more distraught I became.
I felt incapable, unqualified, and ineffective as the lead pastor. The full weight of ministry failures had a voice and they shouted in my ear. Every failure was exposed and every flaw was magnified. After a couple of hours of this mental and spiritual torture, I succumbed to the pressure. I lifted my hands above my head and shouted to the Lord, “I’m done, I quit! I can’t do this anymore! Someone else can have it!”
I wished I could say a sense of God’s reassuring love and presence rushed over me, but it didn’t. Everything went quiet. I didn’t feel anything. It was eerily tranquil in a way. The silence shocked me. I expected some type of protest or hooray, something, but I got nothing. I think both Heaven and hell were caught off guard, somewhat surprised. It may have been that both kingdoms got what they wanted.
However, the silence only substantiated my feelings that God was unconcerned, unmoved—or was in full agreement with my decision.
After my “dark room” experience on Friday, I had to preach on Sunday. Even in the midst of my struggle, God spoke to me about the word I was to preach to my people. I arrived at church early and very hopeful. I had a wonderfully timed sermon about the necessity of laying down our lives on the altar and dying to ourselves. I knew the message was from God.
The worship segment of the service was moving, something was happening in the sanctuary. As I stood behind the pulpit, I strongly sensed the presence of God on me. I preached with confidence and boldness. I gave everything I had. I pleaded with the people to lay down their lives and serve Him. However, throughout the message the people were expressionless, they just stared at me. It seemed as if they were bored. I interpreted their response as rejection, which only added to my growing list of grievances and disappointments in myself.
After the service I didn’t want to talk to anyone, so I quickly made my way to the car. I sat in the car hopeless. With my head tilted down, I wept; I was at the end of myself and I couldn’t take it anymore. I raised my hands to God and told Him that I was doing all I knew to do, I was trying my very best, and there was no response from the people, no fire, zero.
I also took the opportunity to remind God of my fast, no food, and how I was preaching the whole counsel of the Bible. Again, Heaven was silent, not a single sound of encouragement or morsel of comfort. It was as if God wanted me to quit, die, or both. Honestly, I felt isolated and abandoned by the Lord. His silence further solidified my assumption that God was done with me at Christ Fellowship Church.
The Phone Call
In 2010 a friend invited me to attend a special service that a well-established prophet was having at his church. I reluctantly agreed and attended the meeting.
The woman prophet preached a great message and then the ministry time began—this is when things got interesting. I watched closely as she began to randomly call people out and prophesied over them. She came toward me and needless to say I was a bit nervous. I had no idea what she was going to say, but she had a word for me. She said, “A man from Texas will change your life forever.”
Immediately, my mind started thinking, Who do we know in Texas? I couldn’t think of a single person.
Karen and I often wondered who that man would be. The next few years we meet several men from Texas who loved and helped us, but we were not fully sure if they were the fulfillment of the prophetic word given to me on that day.
Every Tuesday we have a church staff meeting. However, this Tuesday’s meeting followed my Friday encounter and also the horrific Sunday I mentioned earlier.
I arrived early and was waiting in the conference room for my staff to arrive—and still heavily discouraged from the weekend’s experiences. One by one they entered the room and sat down like they have done for eight years, but this day was different. I didn’t hesitate; I started the meeting by sharing my disappointment in where the church was on all fronts—numerically, financially, and spiritually. I acknowledged my fears and frustrations and took the full responsibility for being unable to take the church to the next level.
The staff were shocked when I told them that I was finished and that I was resigning my position as pastor. I said I would stay at the church until God opened another opportunity for me to pastor somewhere else. My wife was sitting to my right could not believe what she heard. Karen’s mouth opened in disbelief. She knew I was struggling but had no idea that I had reached this point.
Then the Unexpected Happened
A few days later, Marty Darracott, who at the time was our associate pastor as well as our youth pastor, received a phone call from Pat Schatzline. Pat is a well-known, highly effective international evangelist. I had never met Pat but Pastor Marty knew him.
The phone conversation Pat had with Marty was brief and to the point, “Marty, I had a dream this morning and I believe it was from the Lord. I saw a man in a dark room, no lights on, and he had his hands up in the air and he was very frustrated and he was saying, ‘God, I can’t do this anymore, I quit.” Pat said, “Marty, I think the Lord was showing me your pastor.”
The phone call so startled Pastor Marty that he hung up the phone without saying goodbye. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing—it was exactly what I experienced on Friday and told my staff on Tuesday. Pat called back and Pastor Marty hurriedly asked Pat if he would tell me and Karen what the Lord showed him. He agreed.
Pastor Marty found Karen and then together they walked into the conference room where I was studying. Marty said, “Pastor, I think you need to hear this.” He told us Evangelist Pat Schatzline was on the phone and that the Lord spoke to him about me. Obviously, I was curious about what the Lord had said to Pat, because it seemed that I couldn’t get the Lord to speak to me directly.
Pastor Marty put the phone on speaker and laid it down on the conference room table. Pat began to share what the Lord showed him, describing my Friday experience with uncanny accuracy. He said, “Todd, I had a dream this morning and I believe it was from the Lord. I saw a man in a dark room, no lights on, and he had his hands up in the air and he was very frustrated and he was saying, ‘God, I can’t do this anymore, I quit.’”
Again, he perfectly described my experience on Friday and at no time in my life have I ever had someone speak to me in this manner. It was as if he was in my house and heard my conversation with God. I knew I was receiving a direct word from God; and the more he spoke, the more emotional I became. I was amazed!
As Pat continued to tell me what the Lord revealed to him, the more the Lord settled into the room—the very room where I announced my resignation. Then Pat added, “And the Lord says, DON’T QUIT!”
After the call ended, we all just looked at each other. An overwhelming sense of relief flooded my mind. I was grateful and overwhelmed by the experience. Through all the ups and downs of my ministry at Christ Fellowship, I never doubted God’s love for me; however, I just didn’t think He knew where I was. This changed everything.
Needless to say, I immediately pulled back the resignation. My heart was filled with a new energy and hope. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I believed that God knew where I was and that He didn’t want me to quit! That’s all I needed.
Guess what? Pat lives in Texas—and His word has changed my life forever!
Revival Breaks Out
Just a few weeks after the heavenly vision, the glory of God sat down in our sanctuary. Thousands of lives have encountered it. My desire is to host Him well and create an atmosphere both individually and corporately that He is attracted to. My passion and pursuit is to be a resting place for the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.
That one vision of fire on the water has shaped my life and calling and is having a global impact, as well. Thousands of people have come from all around the world to encounter the fire of God in the baptismal waters at Christ Fellowship Church in Dawsonville, Georgia.
My book, Creating a Habitation for God’s Glory reveals our journey and shares insights how you can encounter His power and presence as well.
Todd Smith
