How to Talk to God When Your Life is Falling Apart
“You lost your job, you learned that your son is addicted to heroin, your wife asked for a divorce after you discovered that she stole your retirement savings, and what you thought were stress-related health struggles were recently diagnosed as a brain tumor.” I repeated back my friend’s words to him. “Did I get everything right?” I was appalled at hearing him describe how his life was in total meltdown.
“Yep,” he replied. “Except you missed that my dog died yesterday.”
As I sat with my friend at lunch, I was flabbergasted and speechless. I began to let the gravity of each struggle that he listed sink into my soul, and I started to feel the tremendous burden my friend was shouldering. When I looked into his eyes, I could see the tears on the cusp of overflowing. I could see him steeling himself so that he wouldn’t cry in public. His hand was trembling ever so slightly, and he quickly looked away in an attempt to find a distraction so that he could collect his emotions and stay calm, at least on the outside. But I could feel the weight of his soul. It was unnerving to me.
In a similar way, there is a man in the Bible who endured a living hell for a season of his life. We can employ some very helpful applications from observing him. This man’s name was Job. And like my friend, he experienced multiple traumas in a short period of time.
Job’s life became a virtual hell because of satan’s attacks (see Job 1–2). When we find ourselves in these situations, we often ask, “Why?” and try to figure out the cause of such total life meltdown. Thankfully, we get to read about the events and conversations that led up to Job’s meltdown—specifically two conversations between God and satan. I don’t normally think about these powerful entities talking with each other. Indeed, when I think of Job and the conversations with God that happen in this book, I have always looked at the end of the book.
Upon closer observation, however, it is extremely helpful to consider the initial conversations that happen between God and satan in these beginning chapters. God and satan have two conversations within these chapters, and both happen at God’s initiation. The first starts with the question to satan, “Where have you come from?” (Job 1:7 New International Version). Satan lets God know that he has been roaming the earth. God then dives into His applause for Job: “The Lord said to Satan, ‘Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil’” (Job 1:8).
When I read what God says about Job, it makes me think about God’s perspective about him. In God’s words to satan about Job, I see no doubt, shame, accusation, condemnation, or hesitation. God does not qualify anything about Job. He does not add a disclaimer like, “For a human, he is a pretty good guy!” If we take God’s words at face value, He is massively impressed with Job, even going so far as possibly bragging about Job.
You might want to sit for a few moments to consider the possibility that God knows you better than you know yourself. He thinks highly of you, and He sees you as priceless and infinitely valuable. It is my sincere opinion that if we take this truth to heart, we will have more love in our hearts toward ourselves and others.
Coming back to our story in the book of Job, God asks Satan a question, “Have you considered My servant Job?” (Job 1:8). It is after this question that God makes His opinion about Job abundantly clear. In contrast, satan answers God’s question with a different point of view. Satan replies,
“Does Job fear God for nothing? Have You not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But put forth Your hand now and touch all that he has; he will surely curse You to Your face” (Job 1:9-11).
In contrast to God’s affirming posture toward Job, satan is accusatory. In essence, satan tells God that Job is only living an upright life because he has received divine protection and validation. Satan tells God that if Job’s life goes into meltdown, Job will give up his righteous posture and curse God. Satan’s words express his perspective, which is grounded in accusation, condemnation, judgment, hostile separation, and destruction. Even worse, Satan throws down a challenge about Job. He wagers that if bad circumstances were to surround Job, he would turn away from God.
“In my own life, I have seen that conversations with God are essential if I am going to come through meltdown seasons without being destroyed by hardship and adversity.”
In my own life, I have seen that conversations with God are essential if I am going to come through meltdown seasons without being destroyed by hardship and adversity. Over the course of about one year, for example, right about the time when my daughter was starting high school, all kinds of terrible things happened. I sustained a severe concussion from a snowboarding accident, my husband had a minor stroke, one of my kids had a grand mal seizure, our finances were squeaky tight, and our neighbors, who were best friends to our family, moved to a different state. All of these experiences were in addition to the normal work pressures and demands that we carried in day-to-day living. Thankfully, in contrast to Job’s prickly and accusatory friends, most of my friends were compassionate, supportive, and patient with me during this meltdown season.
There are many helpful lessons to apply when we or our friends go through horrific experiences or have seasons of meltdown. We should:
Recognize the season and appreciate that it is temporary—even though it might feel as if it is a permanent situation.
Be steady and compassionate with a friend who is going through a meltdown season.
Not allow our perspectives on God to change based on our circumstances or feelings.
Not expect everyone to understand or be sympathetic with our feelings or experiences.
Trust that God can use everything to be of benefit to us—even hardships—as long as we stay in love with God and stay true to His designs and purposes in our lives (see Romans 8:28-29).
God’s Conversation With Job
When all of Job’s friends had spoken their piece with him, God wades into the fray and speaks to Job. The place from which God speaks is a whirlwind (see Job 38:1). It is noteworthy to me that God begins His interaction with Job from the midst of a whirlwind and not from a place of serenity or quiet repose. When we go through a season of meltdown in our lives, it can often seem to be a very tumultuous time, replete with upheaval, uncertainty, chaos, and impending disaster. In the midst of not only the meltdown of Job’s life, but also in a very stormy time, God speaks.
I pray that this observation resonates in your heart, particularly if your life is presently stormy, is overflowing with chaos, or is coming apart at the seams. God can and does speak during a storm—not just during sunny and serene days. It is possible, however, that we could miss God speaking to us because we are avoiding storms, living hunkered down in a storm-free lifestyle. Let’s keep in mind that God can speak to us, even in stormy seasons!
Let’s also consider that when God begins to speak with Job, His words do not seem very comforting. Indeed, God commands Job to, “Pull yourself together, Job! Up on your feet! Stand tall! I have some questions for you, and I want some straight answers” (Job 38:2-3 MSG). When I think about God’s initial words to Job, they don’t feel nurturing or soothing. Perhaps God speaks this way to accentuate the contrast that God’s message to Job will not be anything like what his friends had to say to him. It is one thing to have dialogue with friends who are equal in our humanity who have similar flaws and failures, but it is another to have a conversation with the Creator of the universe who is the all-knowing God.
When we converse with God, we are not talking with an equal counterpart, and we are not having a horizontal dialogue. May we always stay in this proper vertical alignment in the midst of deeply intimate and vulnerable conversations with God!
Once this alignment has been clarified, God asks Job an extensive series of questions. He begins questioning Job by asking about his presence and participation at the creation of the earth, the sea, morning, stars, weather, and wild animals. God continues to ask Job if he’s able to look after various wild animals, knowing their habits and routines. Clearly, the answer to these questions is no. Job is not on the same level as God.
After God finishes with this first long list of questions, Job then tells God that he realizes that he is insignificant compared to Him. Furthermore, Job assures God that, even though Job has vented and expressed himself, he will not continue to make a case nor defend his position. He is clear that God is sovereign and there is nothing more to add.
God, however, continues to question Job. He asks Job, out of a storm again, about Job’s ability to implement justice and deal with proud and humble men. God also questions Job about whether or not he has the power or ability to overtake two fierce, intimidating, and mighty animals—the Leviathan and the Behemoth. Modern scholars don’t entirely agree on what these two animals were; but from God’s questions, it is abundantly clear that these animals were very ferocious!
God again makes the point to Job that he is a frail human going through a hellacious season, but that ultimately God is sovereign. All total, God asks Job more than seventy questions. Job’s final concluding words with God express that he acknowledges God’s sovereignty and postures himself in the position of being a student to God’s ways.
After this, God instructs Job’s friends to make things right with him since they had been combative and unhelpful. In return, God instructs Job to pray for his friends: “The Lord restored the fortunes of Job when he prayed for his friends, and the Lord increased all that Job had twofold” (Job 42:10).
When we finish looking at this conversation between God and Job, we would be wise to digest and apply a few essential takeaways. To begin, life has meltdown seasons even when we are doing our best to live in a way that pleases God. Also, no matter what happens, His love for us doesn’t change. God’s character is more reliable than our circumstances that frequently do change. Finally, no matter what we go through, God is sovereign, all-knowing, and always present with us. To this end, let’s trust God more than we trust our feelings or circumstances.
All of God’s questions to Job have caused me to pause and reflect. For being all-knowing, God sure asks Job a lot of questions! And the quantity of God’s questions that He asked Job led me to think about why God would ask these questions when He already knows the answers. As I thought about God asking questions of Job, I remembered that we already looked at how God initiated the conversation with Adam using a question: Where are you? God also initiated the conversation with Cain with a question, and God continued to question Cain even after he killed his brother. And God asked Abraham, Jacob, and Moses questions as well. There is repetition in God’s method of starting communication with us with questions.
Why would God ask us questions when He already knows the answers and knows us? As humans, we often use questions to get information or assistance. Questions are also essential ingredients for relationship development and intimacy. And questions can facilitate conversations that help us connect with others and deepen relationships.
For example, I have a friend who asks questions like she breathes air. She starts with easy stuff like, “How did you sleep? What are you making for dinner? Where are you traveling?”
She has a knack for starting with these kinds of surface questions and then asking deeper questions like, “Why do you think that way? How did that experience or conversation make you feel? Why are you being aloof with me?”
Being on the receiving end of these questions has provoked me to ask like-minded questions and to make deeper inquiries with the hope of making closer connections and increasing intimacy. Questions are a phenomenal way to grow and deepen our relationships.
I see God use this same principle in His conversations with us. Ultimately, when I look at the questions that God asks Adam, Cain, Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and Job, they are relationship questions that seek to connect each man with God more deeply.
Consider God’s questions to each man:
To Adam in Genesis 3:9: “Where are you?”
To Cain in Genesis 4:6: “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?”
To Cain after he killed Abel in Genesis 4:9: “Where is Abel your brother?”
To Abraham in Genesis 18:9: “Where is Sarah your wife?”
To Abraham in Genesis 18:13: “Why did Sarah laugh?”
To Abraham in Genesis 18:14: “Is anything too difficult for the Lord?”
To Jacob in Genesis 32:27: “What is your name?”
To Moses in Exodus 3–4: There is a long conversation between God and Moses where questions are asked and answered.
To Job in Job 38–41: God asks Job more than seventy questions.
While it is interesting to think about the kind of questions that God asks us and why He asks them, it is also helpful to think about the questions we ask God and why we ask these questions. Let’s be careful that we ask God questions for the purpose of getting to know Him better and to deepen our relationship and connection with God.
“In my life, there have been seasons when I have asked God questions that were filled with accusation.”
In my life, there have been seasons when I have asked God questions that were filled with accusation, like how He could be loving but allow atrocities. While I know it is likely all of us have asked God this question or similar questions, nevertheless, let us prioritize our questions toward growing in intimacy with Him rather than demanding God explain or justify Himself.
The following are some ideas for asking God questions:
Where are You in this circumstance? Where were You when that difficulty happened in my life?
How are You demonstrating love in this situation?
What are You saying to me through the conversation with that person?
What would You have me say or do at this time?
How can I know You better in this season?
Would You please help me to recognize You better?
In our conversations with the triune God, let’s remain committed to His purposes for growing deeper and deeper in our relationship with Him, regardless of what we go through in life. This is important, regardless of the seasons or circumstances of our lives—and it is not solely dependent on our feelings or moods. God is asking us to join the conversation for a deeper connection and intimacy with Him. Will you say yes?
Conversation Starter: Meditative Reflection
“I know what I’m supposed to do, but I’m having a hard time doing it!” Have you thought or said this a few times in your life? This was part of a conversation I had with a friend when I was being really vulnerable about a personal struggle regarding my weakness and inability to change.
“Sarah, have you ever tried meditating on the Bible?” Her question conjured up images of monks in orange robes who were cross-legged, humming “Om” with their eyes closed, and oblivious to their surroundings.
I guess my friend could see by the reaction on my face that I was kind of skeptical about her suggestion. She quickly added, “Not like Eastern meditation found in Hinduism or Buddhism, but more like zeroing in on some Bible verses to give your brain a focal point.”
Her description briefly reminded me about the Sunday School memory verse experiences where I mindlessly recited various Bible verses to get the gold star on a chart by my name or to win a reward like candy or a toy. So again, I was skeptical of her suggestion.
Thankfully, she didn’t get discouraged by my skepticism. She continued to explain her idea so I could try something that I would discover to be a richly rewarding and deeply satisfying conversational experience with God.
What does a conversation with God look like when we do the meditating thing?
I would like to walk you through an example of a conversation where meditating on a Bible passage is used. I use Psalm 40:1-2 as our example since I have been walking with God through these verses for a few months now.
If you are just starting out using meditation as a way to converse with God, here are a few quick tips that could be helpful:
Start out with a small increment of time, like ten minutes. When you have built up some continuity with this method of conversation, you might consider increasing the amount of time that you spend in increments of five minutes.
Find a quiet place that has as few distractions as possible. This could be your car with the engine off, an unused office or classroom at school, or a quiet area in your living space.
Put your phone on airplane mode to minimize interruptions.
Have some paper and a pen readily available to write down what you hear and what is noteworthy. Using a paper and pen eliminates the temptation to use your phone for notes, which could make it easier for you to be distracted by emails or text messages.
Figure out the time of day in which you are the most alert and use this time to meditate.
Be committed to trying this type of conversation for at least five days. It seems to take that long to create an honest experience that is not rushed or transactional.
Be sure to use a Bible translation that is comfortable and engaging for you. Do not use a translation that is stiff, complicated, or difficult to absorb.
As a way of holding yourself accountable, consider asking a friend to check in with you to see if you are practicing this type of conversation.
Start each ten-minute practice with a prayer asking God to help you pay attention and be present in the conversation.
Let’s jump into this Conversation Starter using the New International Version of Psalm 40:1-2 as a sample dialogue:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
When I begin a conversation with God, I take the first phrase and sit with it for some time: “I waited patiently for the Lord.” That is exactly what I do—I wait patiently for the Lord. When my mind gets distracted with things like the grocery list, demands from work, kid activities, housecleaning, etc., I ask for Holy Spirit to help me wait patiently, and I return to sitting with God.
With the various distractions that come up, I have discovered a few things that help me deal with them. For example, when I remember something I need to do, instead of getting anxious about when and how I am going to get that done, I write that task on a piece of paper so I can consider it later. Also, when I find my attention wandering down some mental rabbit trail, I don’t let myself get upset or disappointed. Such emotional responses are not helpful and only make it more difficult to come back to being present with God. Furthermore, I have learned that spending time with God, waiting patiently for the Lord, is not a waste of time. Keeping company with God is constructive, soothing, rejuvenating, illuminating, and grounding.
What could God turning to you look like in your life? Maybe it would be beneficial to ask God to show you where He has turned to you and heard your cry. Many times, this is a better way to talk with God rather than itemizing all the negativities and deficiencies in your life. It has been my experience that when I look for God’s presence in my life, I find Him showing up in many creative and unexpected ways.