God Doesn’t Promise a Mr. or Mrs. Right
One popular idea is that God has for each of us one special, ideal person and that we need to wait until that person crosses our path.
At that time lights will flash, bells will ring, our knees will go weak, and our whole life will suddenly be wrapped up in that person. Many of us have been taught in the Church that God has a specific person for us—a “Prince Charming” for every woman and a “Sleeping Beauty” for every man—and only that specific person will do. We have been told that we need to pray and fast and search until that specific person appears. The assumption of many is, “If God made me, then surely He made some special someone somewhere who is perfectly suited for me.”
This is a myth. There are no Scriptural grounds to support the idea that there is one and only one “Mr. Right” or “Miss Ideal” for every person. Let’s be honest. There are six billion people in the world. If there is only one person in six billion who is right for you, what is the likelihood that the two of you will meet up?
In reality, there are thousands, perhaps millions of people in the world who are potential mates for you because of similarities in personality, character, values, and interests to your own. Even if you find the “perfect” person and marry him or her, you are almost certain to meet others along the way who would also have been “perfect” for you. In some cases, they may even appear to be better suited for you than the person you married.
This is one of the problems behind the divorce epidemic in our society. People marry that “perfect” person, expecting life now to be grand and glorious and enchanting, like a fairy tale. Once the new wears off and reality sets in, many couples become dissatisfied because the reality does not live up to their expectations. In the midst of their discontentment, one or both of them may meet someone new who seems to be just what they have been looking for. An affair begins, a divorce follows, and off they go looking for their fairy tale again.
People who are deceived by this myth get married believing that their “perfect” spouse is the only one for them and that being married to this person will solve all their problems of lust or a wandering eye. If a woman says, “I have found ‘Mr. Right,’” she may very well expect that she will no longer be attracted to any other men or tempted by their appeal. A man who says, “I have found the perfect woman for me” may feel that his eye could never be drawn to another woman.
This expectation can cause a particular problem for believers. A husband is enjoying married life when all of a sudden, during a business trip, he meets another woman who attracts him in much the same way his wife does. Then it happens again somewhere else on vacation. Before long he begins to feel guilty, as if he is being unfaithful to his wife simply because he is attracted to other women. He feels dirty and sinful, thinking, “I’m married. I love my wife. I’m not supposed to feel this way.” At this point, one of two things may happen. He may become so guilt-ridden that he surrenders in defeat and enters into an affair, or he may withdraw and become unsociable out of fear that he cannot trust himself.
Many married believers experience guilt over feeling attracted to people other than their mates. This sense of guilt is often due, at least in part, to this erroneous idea that there is one and only one “right” person for them to marry. In reality, there are any number of people who would be suitable. A difference in timing or circumstances could have resulted in their marrying someone else.
Marrying one “suitable” person does not mean all the others vanish away. No matter how much we may love our mate, no matter how devoted we are to him or her, we will always meet others of the opposite sex who attract us. That is natural, normal, and inevitable. How we deal with that reality will, in large measure, determine whether we experience success or failure. That is why accurate knowledge is so important. Once we know that there are many “suitable” people we could marry, and not just one, we will not be so surprised by the attraction we feel toward some.
Smashing this myth leads to two important conclusions. First, if there are any number of “suitable” candidates for us to marry, then marrying one out of that number becomes a choice that we make. Second, the choice that we make to marry a particular person calls for a firm commitment on our part to be faithful to the one we choose. Choice and commitment go hand in hand.
