I Was Dressed Like a Prostitute in Heaven
“Thy will be done in earth, as it is in Heaven.” (Matthew 6:10 KJV)
A lesson I have learned from visiting Heaven is that there is so much more of God’s provision than what we access. (1)
Jesus taught us to pray for the heavenly will of God to be a reality here on earth. (2)
In other words, we can have heavenly principles in our lives today. One reason for our lack of access to God’s provision is that we don’t know enough about how things work in Heaven. A second reason is that we don’t know the Word of God well enough to apply His truths to our lives. (3) And third, we lack vision to see the personal changes needed to “live like Heaven.”
I want to give you a little bit of backstory about this particular time I went to Heaven.
I’m from Upper Michigan, and ten of us ladies traveled in two cars to the International House of Prayer of Kansas City on a retreat. I was the group leader, and as such I had one rule: no complaining. (4) This rule is important because when I start to complain, it is certain that everything goes downhill.
It was about a fourteen-hour trip to Kansas City. I had made the trip many previous weekends, and I never dreaded the drive because I love the International House of Prayer! During this trip, my husband, Mike, was on a missionary trip to Africa. Normally Mike helps me pack and prepare for our trips, but this time I did it on my own. I was much more stressed than normal because Mike wasn’t around and I really wasn’t confident in my ability to travel without him.
On the way down we had many problems. The check engine lights came on in both cars, we got caught in an ice storm, I was almost side-swiped by a semi-truck who didn’t see me in the blind spot, and I discovered that the float in my car didn’t work when I ran out of gas. We stopped over and over to deal with these issues and determine if we should keep going. I felt the strength from my spirit that we should keep going, but I was new to leaning into God, so I found myself stuck in the mental gymnastics of uncertainty. As the leader, I pressed on hoping my nervousness would somehow disappear, all the while presenting a confident front to the ladies.
As the miles wore on, frustrations mounted inside each car and the ladies started arguing with one another. If we had started out in unity, we had certainly lost it along the way. The normal fourteen-hour trip had taken twenty long and stressful hours. I just wanted to go to bed. It started as the worst trip ever.
Upon arrival, we checked into our housing and found that we needed to visit the grocery store. The ladies needed to de-stress and I needed some time alone, so I offered to handle the shopping for our necessities. The frustrations of our trip continued when I found that the recommended grocery store was closed by the time I arrived. I headed to a local gas station and received directions to another store. The directions were complicated and aggravated me further. To make matters worse, the store didn’t have many of the items we needed. To make matters even worse, the directions back to our housing were impossible. I got very lost.
When I finally returned, I was met with a roaring argument. Instead of de-stressing, they had ramped things up. Being the leader, they looked to me. Unfortunately, I had no patience and yelled at everyone to stop being so petty. I unloaded all of my frustrations and everything that the group had done to bother me and sent them all to bed! This was definitely not the best way to begin a retreat. I had broken my own rule of not complaining. And now I was reaping the devastating results.
I didn’t sleep well that night. One of the ladies was crying. Another let me know that she wished she had not come. I was filled with so much negativity. I wanted to do exactly what these ladies were doing, but as the leader I couldn’t show them. Instead, I hid and cried in the shower realizing I had behaved exactly as they had.
The next morning, I got up extra early to walk over to the International House of Prayer. I was still upset, cranky, and now hungry. I wished that someone else were the leader. I was embarrassed by my actions the night before. My plan was to “hide” in the Prayer Room. Maybe God could download a plan to fix everything.
I tell you all of this backstory because people ask what I was doing when Jesus took me to Heaven. I believe that God can take anyone to Heaven at any time regardless of the state of our body, mind, will, or emotions. (5) The Bible says, “Blessed is he who is pure in heart, for you shall see God.” (6) This came to my mind, and I started praying it.
“God, make me pure in heart, because I want to see You. I need to see You!” I pray this often when I am in a really negative mood. It helps me plumb line to the reality of how off-course I am and how to get back into alignment.
Some of the ladies from our group came into the prayer room. They were still upset and wanted to tell me about it. I had no idea how to help them so I recommended that we each pray for an hour and then gather the whole group to talk.
I was stressed. Didn’t they know that I had my own problems? I needed to disappear. I wasn’t sure where to hide until I had a great idea. I went to the very front row and laid down across the chairs. This way, unless someone walked up to the front row they wouldn’t know I was there. But God knew exactly where I was.
I lay down with my knees and my face toward the back of the chairs, and I began complaining to God. You know you can complain to God, and it’s called prayer, right? So I was dumping all kinds of stuff on Him. Stuff from the ladies, the cars, from home, from my fear of Mike being gone, and a hundred other worries. I was complaining to Him about everything including my own inadequacies.
“I don’t know how to fix all these problems, God!” is probably my most common prayer. I am sure I must have used it then too. I started crying for myself, feeling sad and full of self-pity. I wanted to be a good leader, good mom, and good wife. A leader should know what to do, and I certainly didn’t. I couldn’t fix anything—not for me, my children, my family, or this group. I really worked myself up into a crying fit. When I am in one of those pity parties, I can go really low, quickly. Then, suddenly, my mind went to sleep. While my mind was sleeping, God began talking to me, telling me things.
I thought, “Wow, I would have never thought of that!” And more answers came to me. “I would never have believed You could do that, Jesus.” And I recall thinking, “I’m never going to forget this.” But somehow I can’t remember now what the Lord told me during that time. Although I cannot remember His words, I know that He spoke them to my spirit, and they are mine to keep. My spirit is the keeper of His truths, so they are safer than if I could remember them. (7) At that point, I was no longer complaining, but I was in a nice mental place.
In an instant, I was in Heaven, and I was there because Jesus wanted to help me. I thought He was going to give me answers for the ladies, a plan to get us back on track. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The Bible says that His ways are not our ways, which is true, but I believe that they can be. (8)
Suddenly I was in the most beautiful park-like garden imaginable. It was huge and went on for as far as I could see. Two angels were escorting me to the Lord. The grass under my feet was perfect, so thick that not one more blade could fit. As I stepped on it, the grass pushed me upward, helping me walk, because it was alive and had supernatural strength. It was so beautiful and rolling. It didn’t roll because the land was sloped, but because the grass wanted to roll. Incredible!
Around me there were many people enjoying the grass, because it massaged our feet with its movement. The people of Heaven were amazing and perfect! They only thought good things, they were filled with hope, they enjoyed everything, and they were excessively joyful. (9) Each person dressed in the clothes from their time period. So seeing one woman with a bustled dress laughing with one in a toga was “normal.” There were men in kilts talking to others wearing long robes. But each person was perfect! I loved looking at the beautiful heavenly people. They made my eyes happy to watch. The most impressive thing to look at were the eyes of the heavenly people. It was much like when you look into the sparkle in the eyes of a baby and how it brings you peace. We see Jesus in the innocence in that child’s eyes. In Heaven, we get lost looking into each other’s eyes, which are alive in God.
Not only did the huge park have stunning grass and exceptional people, there were amazing trees, beautiful flowers, water fountains, pools, and statues. I saw gates into special garden areas and walkways that meandered through lovely sitting areas. The most amazing flowers and shrubs surrounded the garden, filled with a beauty as stunning as the heavenly people and intoxicating fragrances.
The garden was filled with a peaceful “soul hum.” Our souls, when they are this kind of happy, make noise, kind of a “do-a-little-ditty.” Each soul was humming along with everyone else’s in an incredible harmony that created the most wonderful atmosphere! Amazingly, we could hear each other’s souls, and together we made a melodious soul hum. This is the background noise in Heaven.
The garden was filled with beautifully shaped trees with leaves of every color like I have never seen on earth. The trees expressed all the seasons at once. On each one, I saw the flowers, the fruits, and the different colored leaves. These remarkable trees grew in unique ways that showed their astounding beauty. They mesmerized me. Their trunks even did things that are impossible here on earth, such as creating a swing inside itself. In addition, the trees joined in with the melodious soul humming.
But the absolutely most remarkable things in the garden were the statues. In each area there was a memorial set up in the form of a statue. Of course, Jesus was a part of each statue, and His being with the people made them important. There were statues of Him with an apostle, with a martyr, or playing with children. It was so impressive and made me wonder who all of them were and what the full story was behind each statue.
They were not like statues on earth. Instead they were the Lord’s living memory. They were in vivid color and emitted the emotion that Jesus felt about the statue. My words cannot do justice to the beauty and awe of His memory statues. Even “memory” isn’t quite the right word because time for the Lord is not like ours with past, present, and future.
Each trip to Heaven allows me to notice something more about Heaven. Most times I don’t understand the concept or lesson of the trip until I come back. The thing I always notice is how much I like myself when I am in Heaven. When we are in Heaven, we don’t have negative thoughts about ourselves or anyone else. (10) Those thoughts aren’t allowed there, and so we shouldn’t have them here. We really love ourselves in Heaven!
After noticing all of these wonderful details, I suddenly could see the Lord in the distance. He was down a hill of rolling grass surrounded by a large crowd of heavenly people. I noticed the combined dazzling brilliance of the color of their clothes. Individually, they each wore a certain color, but joined in the group, the color of the clothes was very unique. It was a compilation of every single color on earth and colors only found in Heaven, all compressed together. They were bright, vibrant, alive colors that moved and changed. Imagine taking all these colors and putting them into a small compressed dot, something like a sequin. Amazingly, somehow all these colors worked together and created white light, a brilliant light that magnified when joined to the Lord. So even though the clothes were different styles, they all created this most stunning and breathtaking reflection in honor of the Lord.
As the heavenly people came into the presence of Jesus, all their clothes began working together in union to express something different. His brilliance caused the clothes to change so that they became a beautiful, white sparkling light. (11) But it was so much more.
I was seeing everything working together perfectly. People are stunningly brilliant, reflecting the presence of the Lord. Even now, I cry at remembering. Only Jesus is the superstar. Everyone knows it, yet He causes His people to shine.
Although Jesus was surrounded by so many important people and angels, He stood out as He always does. His clothes were different than everyone else’s—clothes that only He wears. It was like there was a time period of clothes that were specifically made for the King in the time before time. Of course, His clothes were a cut above, not because of a certain tailor, but because of the absolute perfection radiating inside the God-Man, Christ. Because of this, Jesus’ clothes shone, and I saw that there was no comparison to His authority, superiority, or holiness.
Something else that I learned in Heaven is how angels dress. When angels wear their wings, they are in what would be their military uniform or on assignment, but they don’t always wear their wings. When they are on certain assignments, they show their military uniform (wings), but when they’re doing other assignments their wings don’t show. The angels escorting me had their wings and so did the ones with Jesus. I knew that whatever they were telling Him, it was serious. As the angels moved closer to Him, the people around Him began to move quietly away.
The whole picture changed and appeared very serious. Jesus asked them a question, “Where is she?”
I could hear in Heaven everything that was said about me. Nothing about me was hidden from me. Sometimes the Lord lets this happen here on the earth. I can “hear” things about me, and then I don’t struggle with my own understanding. Isn’t it amazing that in Heaven, no one talks about you behind your back? Instead, people talk about you for you to know.
I realized, “He’s looking for me.”
At first it made me really happy to know He was looking for me. But as He asked, the angels escorting me moved me in an instant to be with Jesus. To know that God wanted to talk to me made me feel pretty special, but at the same time it felt very unnerving.
Has there ever been a time that you couldn’t talk to a loved one and you couldn’t reach them when you needed to tell them something important? And then you finally get to talk to them, and there is a huge relief that comes from knowing that all is right. I felt that with Jesus. I felt a heart connect with Him because He is so willing to show us the depths of His heart and let us keep what He has there as the unchanging truth. So before I reached Jesus, I had all these questions, worries, and anxieties. (12) But as soon as I stood before Him, it all dropped away. What I wanted to say or ask didn’t matter any longer. It only mattered what He wanted to say. Just breathing in His presence took all the worries away. Gone forever.
He was waiting for me. Unthinkable! The angels with the Lord turned and looked up the hill in my direction and pointed toward their fellow angels. I was excited until I looked down.
You would not believe what I was wearing! Suddenly I realized that I was not reflecting the beauty of the King. I was not wearing the beautiful white clothes like everyone else. I was not in a beautiful time period outfit. I was in the trashiest red dress you have ever seen. They don’t dress like that in Heaven. In Heaven all the clothes are modest. This trashy dress was cut way too low in the front, extremely immodest. It was three or four sizes too small. I knew that the V on the backless dress showed part of my bum. There was no way to cover up. I wanted to disappear.
I thought, “This can’t be! I don’t want to meet the Lord like this!”
The angels motioned for me to come closer, but I didn’t move on my own, so the angels nearby moved me. In Heaven you do not disobey. I could tell they were not impressed with me.
Now I was beside the Lord, and I panicked. I was trying not to stand up in front of Him, and yet because that is what He wanted, I did His will. He looked in my eyes, and He was so excited to see me. His eyes were very beautiful and very welcoming. Joy danced in them like flames of fire. (13) His hands, with the marks on His wrists very noticeable, reached for my face. (14) It was one of the deepest emotional ways that God has touched me, because touching someone’s face is an intimate gesture of love. As He touched my face, I started backing up.
“No! No! No, Lord! Don’t touch me! I’m unclean!” (15)
The joyful fire in His eyes changed. The Lord was serious. I was shocked. He was unnerved. When I talked to God in Heaven, I just cut to the chase. There was no small talk or putting up fences to ensure that I was understood. Jesus already understood everything better than I did anyway. I’ve applied this lesson when I speak with Him now. I just cut to the chase and tell Him what’s wrong, because He already knows.
He asked, “What are the charges?”
His question pulled an answer out of me and my words began spilling out of my heart to Him. Tears were streaming down my face.
I answered: “I don’t believe that I am who You say I am. I don’t believe I’m going to do what You said I’m going to do. I can’t be a leader! I am a nobody. I will never get it right.”
He said: “Continue.”
The depths of the poisoned, stinking thinking in my own self surprised me. Somehow deep, unknown layers tied to other parts of me held on to pain that I did not know about. Jesus waited, knowing there was more. Answers continued pouring from my heart.
“I don’t believe You, Jesus!”
Here I was, standing in front of God Almighty who had never done anything to ever let me down, but still I told Him.
He said, “Continue.”
“I don’t think I’m smart. I don’t think I’m beautiful. I don’t think I’m made the right way.” And the list went on and on. It was as if every time He said, “Continue,” He forced all the crud out of me.
“I don’t believe You’re going to do what You said You are going to do. I don’t believe that You really love me. I don’t believe You have all control on earth. I don’t believe You answer prayers for people like me. I don’t believe that I am your favorite.”
Then, out of nowhere, I said to Him, “Lord, I am a prostitute!”
I was shocked by the prostitute part. I’ve sinned a lot on the earth, but I haven’t sinned in that way. However, as soon as I said it, I knew that I had sinned in that way. My spirit told the truth to a holy God. Prostitutes will use themselves to get what they want. I have used the gifts of God to try to manipulate Him and others. I could see that I was a prostitute.
Please understand that these things do not belong in Heaven. However, instead of casting me out because of that stinking thinking, He pulled those thoughts out of me to get rid of them. It was like throwing up all over the place. I couldn’t stop it, and Jesus was not going to stop until it was all out.
Finally, He declared the truth over me, “You are mine!”
I looked at Him and He was smiling. He said “Laurie.”
When the Lord said my name, I felt so good, so right. He said it with so much love and appreciation. He said my name in such a way that I wanted to hear Him say it all the time.
He said, “Laurie, all those things were true before you met Me.”
I just needed God’s stamp of approval on my life. As soon as I understood that I am a new creation in Christ, in a new bloodline—the bloodline of Christ that enabled me to take my thoughts captive. (16) But I had to do my part and agree with one thing: I am His. (17)
Because He said that I am His, I understood it could not be undone. It was finished. As He spoke that over me, everything changed. He bound up those terrible things about me by His confession of ownership over me.
I looked at my dress again.
He said, “Laurie, nobody can see your clothes except you.”
Everyone around us only saw what He saw. He had hidden me and all of that yuck, all of that exposure, and all of the “I don’t believe You.” The scriptures say that love covers a multitude of sins, and He covered me while I was there. (18) He so wonderfully wrapped me in His love that no one could see anything else. His brilliance was so bright that all anyone could see was Him. As I looked again at my dress, it changed into what they all saw. It became the most beautiful gown made out of that beautiful material I had seen on the others in Heaven. I knew that He had chosen this perfect dress for me. Not only was it beautiful, but it radiated my beauty. Beside Him, it radiated His beauty. I was perfect.
Then He stuck His arm out. This gesture meant that He, Himself, was going to escort me. The angels stayed back as we walked away. He offered His right arm like a gentleman would escort a lady. I placed my left arm out on top of His.
Then He said, “Come with Me.”
We began walking. The Lord loves to walk with us. He walked me around in the gardens until we were in what was my favorite place. I felt it. This part of the park-like garden was one of the most special parts, although I didn’t yet understand. It was as if it was made just for me. The garden was filled with all kinds of flowers that I knew and loved and many I had never seen before. There were beautiful benches with soft cushions. The Lord kept walking with me while enjoying my excitement as I encountered the different areas.
As we walked, I paid no attention to where I was, because being with Him was where I longed to be. He was headed to a particular stop. We sat down on a swing-type bench. I love to swing, and this bench was just the right height for my legs. I looked up and noticed a statue. It was a beautiful statue surrounded by flowers. It was of Jesus as He was dancing with a woman whom He loved. The first thing I noticed was that she was wearing a dress like I was wearing. The dress He had just given me. No, wait, it was me! I knew that the statue was of me. I was so excited to be there! God had made this special spot of the beautiful garden for me.
He looked at me and said, “Thank you.”
Isn’t it amazing that He would say thank you because I let Him help me? Without His help, I would be nothing! Without His covering, I would have been exposed. Tears filled my eyes as I shook my head. I should be the one to say thank you. Here on display was His living memory of me.
There’s always fire in the Lord’s eyes. (19) Always. There’s a fire of love, a fire of fighting for something, a fire of when He’s trying to make a wrong thing right. (20) But when I looked into His eyes, I knew what I wanted to do. However, before I could do anything, I had to be His. I had to know that I am beautiful, fun, smart, kind, a worker bee, and the “good” list went on and on. I believed in Jesus! I believed that He would accomplish everything that He set out to do. I believed that I was important and that I needed to run to Him instead of away from Him.
He smiled at me, and I felt Him tell me to remember. I knew it would be hard, but not impossible. I knew that to live like I was still in Heaven while back on earth, I must be completely His as I had been in Heaven.
I reacted in the most intimate way He had taught me. I reached my hand up to touch His life-giving face. I could tell by His eyes that this was right. Before my hand fully touched Him, I was back on earth.
It was so beautiful. As I was leaving, He said, “Thank you.” His voice filled me up. Who are we that God should say thank you to any of us? But when God said thank you to me, I knew I had done something that pleased Him. (21)
What was it that pleased God? I have thought about it long and hard so that I can repeat it. God was pleased by me giving Him “the yuck” in my life. When I had submitted who I thought I was to Him, I had agreed with the truth that I am His.
Now, I don’t doubt that He loves me. I saw the wounds on Him. No one should ever, ever doubt Him. There is no King, no God, who has ever done what our God has done for us. He loves us! We are dressed in the righteous deeds that He sets up for us, and sometimes those righteous deeds are just to believe in who God is and what He declares. (22) Then, once He perfects it in us, He creates a memory statue. Something unchanging to help us know He wants us to remain that way—His finished work.
Jesus has gone ahead of us to prepare a way, a room, a garden, and a statue. (23) Believe! Whenever yuck seems to find its way into us, we don’t have to wait until we get to Heaven to get rid of it. We need to get on our knees and confess: “God, this is what I’m struggling with. I’m struggling with a promise. I thought it would have been answered by now. I’m having a hard time waiting.”
As we tell Him, He changes our garments from trashy ones into perfectly fitting ones that reflect His light. (24) Then we can take a walk with Him. Take some time. Dial down. It’s His mighty right hand that He extends. He lets us put our left hand onto His powerful right hand that He will use to fix the wrong things.
When I came back, I realized how happy I was in Heaven. Happiness there grows on itself like a crystal. The beauty goes to the core. I think if the people of Heaven lived on earth, they would aggravate us because they are so happy. They just become more and more happy. Their eyes are happy. They laugh. They have fun. There’s no sickness, no disease. There are no problems. God has made a place that is beyond anything that we can think or imagine. Heaven is wonderful!
It’s waiting for us. Any hard thing that we have to go through will be worth it if we can keep our hearts and our thoughts and our actions from falling into a yucky place. (25) The Bible already says our hard times are just a momentary light affliction. (26)
Now that I was back in the Prayer Room, I knew that I could handle helping the team. One of the ladies came to tell me that a prophecy team was waiting for us all. They had approached her to explain that they had an opening.
Once inside the room, the prophecy leaders excitedly told us how God had them praying for a group from Michigan. They felt especially compelled to pray for the leader. They asked who the leader was, and everyone pointed to me. They told me that Jesus has a special encounter waiting for me that would build my faith in Him and be mine forever. Wow! They also told me that I would know because He would say the words “Thank you.”
Each of us needs to know that God has a place waiting for us. It’s not just any place, but one where He has memorialized the times when we were stuck in a struggle and let Him help us out of it. It is important to understand that once we overcome our struggles, they leave beautiful markings in us and in Heaven. And because of this principle, we can live like we live in Heaven. We need to help others using songs, scriptures, testimonies, and His compassionate eyes of fire. (27) It is going to be great when we get there. But Jesus wants it to be great for us now. (28) When I feel someone needs help, I do what He taught me. I place my hands on their face, look deep into their eyes, and tell them who they are. They might not know it, but my actions can remind them to live like they are in Heaven. (29)
Notes
1 Corinthians 2:9
Matthew 6:10
2 Timothy 2:15
Philippians 2:14-16
Psalm 115:3
Matthew 5:8
Proverbs 3:5-6
Isaiah 55:8-9
Revelation 21:4
Revelation 21:27
Psalm 104:2
1 Peter 5:7
Revelation 19:12
John 20:24-29
Isaiah 6:5
2 Corinthians 10:5
Song of Solomon 2:16
1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12
Revelation 19:12
Revelation 1:14, Song of Solomon 8:6
Hebrews 11:5, Ephesians 5:10
Revelation 19:8
John 14:2
Revelation 7:9
Romans 8:18
2 Corinthians 4:17
Ephesians 5:19-20
Hebrews 10:24-56
1 Timothy 4:12