Adoption: A Courageous Choice
Courageous is what comes to mind when I think of women who choose adoption.
When faced with a crisis pregnancy situation, adoption is certainly not for the weak at heart. Making the decision to give the baby you are carrying up can be one of the most selfless acts one could ever do.
There are so many amazing young women who have stood up and have not taken the “easy” way out of a crisis pregnancy. What the world classifies as a problem is, in fact, an innocent baby. To call a baby a problem and use abortion as the only solution is absurd and cowardly. Yet on the other side of adoption, there are couples faced with the reality that they are unable to have biological children. Heartbroken and devastated, they cry out and pray to God for answers. Sometimes the answers come through young women like Jackie who choose to be brave and give the gift of life, not only to her baby, but also to a family who adopts their child.
At nineteen years old Jackie was a free-spirited young woman and was dating a young man named Jason. He and Jackie had known each other since they were fourteen. When his mother became terminally ill and later died, Jackie stayed by his side, comforting him, and trying to help during his difficult season. Jason was falling in love with Jackie, but she says, “I really wasn’t sure about my feelings for him, I knew I liked him as a friend and enjoyed his company, but love?”
Jason bought an engagement ring and proposed. Jackie decided to take the ring, but only because she felt sorry for him; he had just lost his mom, and she didn’t want to hurt him. Jackie says, “I took the ring and wore it on my right hand, not my left.” She was so torn up inside, knowing she did not love him. Thoughts of marriage just didn’t feel right to her, and she knew she had to end things and return the ring. When Jackie broke things off with Jason, he became extremely angry with her.
Some time passed when Jackie discovered she was pregnant. She began crying, thinking, “How can this be happening to me? Why me, God?” Confused and unsure of how things were going to play out in her life, she decided to go to a local Care Net Pregnancy Center with her mom. Not only did she receive confirmation that she was pregnant, but when they did a sonogram, Jackie learned she was having a girl. There was no doubt that she would carry this baby to term and give birth. Even with all the turmoil she was feeling inside, abortion was never an option. “I could never kill a child because I didn’t feel I could care for him or her, because of my mistake. A child is not a mistake. A child is gift from God.”
During the pregnancy, she began thinking about the only two choices she was willing to consider: keeping the baby or putting her up for adoption. The decision weighed heavily on her heart. She felt skeptical about adoption and wasn’t sure if she could go through with it, but she was confident that God would lead her to the perfect family for her little girl. Jackie says, “I’ve always thought that adoption was amazing and knew one day I would have something to do with it, but never in a million years did I think I would be the one blessing a family with a special gift of a little baby girl.” God has a way of taking our mistakes and creating a beautiful gift out of it. He allows us to make a choice that may be hard in that moment, but in the long run, will reap many rewards.
During Jackie’s pregnancy, she reconnected with a young man named Matt, whom she had met the year before through mutual friends. They started hanging out together and became the best of friends. In the beginning, Matt didn’t know about the pregnancy. When he found out, he told Jackie, “I will support you in whatever decision you make. I know God has a plan for your life.” Matt was helpful and encouraging to Jackie.
On Wednesday, November 21, 2007, the day before Thanksgiving, Jackie gave birth. Even though she knew she was putting her baby girl up for adoption and that the adoptive parents had a name already picked out for her, Jackie named her Madison Nicole. She had to wait at least a day before the adoptive parents could make the trip to pick up this precious baby girl. Matt was not at the hospital when Jackie gave birth, but he arrived soon after the baby was born. He immediately fell in love with her, even though he was not the father. He told Jackie, “If you want to keep her, I will do whatever I have to and help you raise her, but I know it’s your choice.” Matt was becoming more and more attached to the baby. There were times that baby Madison would not eat, and Matt was the only one who could get her to drink her formula.
I am Matt’s mother, and I was praying for Jackie because I knew the decision she was making was heart wrenching. Even though it was the hardest decision of her life, she knew it was best for her little girl. It tore a hole in her heart. One night, while at a prayer group, I asked for prayer for my son’s girlfriend who had just given birth to a baby girl. The pastor’s wife said to me, “If at all possible, you need to get your hands on that baby girl, bless her, break off any spirit of rejection, and release her into the care of the adoptive parents.”
I called Matt and asked if he thought Jackie would let me come up there, hold the baby, pray over her, and bless her. He said, “I don’t know, but you can ask her yourself.” He handed the phone to Jackie. She gave me permission to come and pray for baby. I went to the hospital, held her, and prayed for her. I blessed her and told her how much she was loved and wanted. I told her that she was chosen as a gift from God for her adoptive parents. I let her know that her mother loved her deeply and wanted her. As I sat there and held her, my heart went out to Jackie.
As she was going through the adoption procedures, she had looked through numerous pictures and information about couples that might be a fit. When she found the picture of the couple that she chose to raise her little girl, a peace came over her. She then noticed her favorite scripture, Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jackie felt this confirmed that these were the right people to raise her baby.
Oh, how hard it must be to hand your baby over to complete strangers and trust God that they will take good care of her. Jackie is an example of courage. Courage is not the absence of fear or uncertainty. It is the resolve to make hard choices and follow them with through.
Friday came, the day the adoptive parents would receive this bundle of joy to raise as their own. When Jackie woke up that morning, she thought, “I can’t do this. I can’t give my little girl to someone else. I love her too much.” At that moment she decided that she wasn’t going through with it. Then the adoptive parents walked through the door of her room. She remembers: “I knew it was the right choice; it was the choice that God wanted me to make, and I could choose to not go through with it, but I had such a peace that came over me, and once again God reminded me of my favorite scripture, Jeremiah 29:11.” Instantly, Jackie knew she could not go against the plan that God had for her baby girl and for her life.
Jackie says, “Honestly, I have my good and bad days, where certain things will trigger moments where I wish I would’ve kept her, but I know in my heart that I gave her to a family that needed her just as much as she needs them.” One of Jackie’s greatest desires is to meet her little girl someday.
Jackie and Matt got married on April 27, 2008, and God blessed them with a handsome little boy named Aaron on December 5, 2008. They are not only husband and wife but remain the best of friends.
Jackie’s advice to anyone who is in a crisis pregnancy: “Please stop and think, but most of all pray for God to guide you to make the right choice for your baby. Know that He would have you to first choose life! Second, pray, and I promise He will lead you.…The only sure way to know you made the right choice is that He will give you peace, even in the midst of the turmoil.”
