How to Raise Kids With Jesus’ Love & Kindness

When I speak to most parents they often say the same things that they want for their children: to be happy, healthy, smart and kind. 

Kindness is a big part of being a Christian. We want to reflect, represent and be obedient to Jesus when He tells us to love one another, to care for the orphans and widows, to even pray for your enemies. But creating compassionate hearts is easier said than done.  

I want to share my journey with you around raising my daughter, Isla. I am definitely one of those parents who lean more into the gentle parenting style. After gaining a BSc in Psychology, working in Positive Behaviour Support teams, and supporting families open to Social Work teams, I’ve learnt a lot over the years about childhood development and attachment. The methods aren’t over night behaviour resolvers, they take time, commitment, patience and care. But all of this I feel represents the Father’s heart towards us as His children and how He Father’s us.  

One night Isla was having a particularly tricky time going to bed. She had just started a new nursery and she was displaying some pretty big feelings and hit out at me. In this moment I have the choice to respond in different ways. I can reprimand, shout, give consequences, etc. However I chose to look and see past her behaviour to what she was trying to communicate. Taking a deep breath to still myself, I calmly said, “I’m sorry you’re feeling mad and sad, but I can’t let you hit me. That’s dangerous, and we need to use safe hands”. I brought her, kicking and screaming into the bedroom where I told her that I would like to give her a “heart-to-heart hug”. This is where we hug front-to-front, or heart-to-heart. I have found that this is a beautiful way of helping her to dispense any tension in her body. And I hold her firmly, shhhhing in her ear rhythmically, and telling her, “You’re going to be ok”. She eventually calmed down and I took her to bed. I lay down in the dark on her floor next to her whilst she was trying to sleep and she whispered, “I love you mummy.” I whispered back, “I love you too. We’re friends,” to which she responded “We’re friends.”  

I felt God in that moment say that Isla had displayed all her “ugly”. She’d been her worst version of herself, screaming, shouting, hitting. But in all of that I held her, I gave her boundaries and reminded her of expectations around behaviour. I didn’t judge, condemn, belittle or reflect her anger. But enabled a place of safety and security in which she could fall apart knowing that she could be held safely there. That I wouldn’t be scared of her “ugly” or remove myself from her. But that I was there with her in the thick of it. And that’s exactly what God does for us. In our ugliest moments, when we curse, lash out, hold on to anger and bitterness, He is the one that holds us. His presence is a calm anchor and steady rock in the storm of our emotions and choices. He does not condemn us, or hold it against us but He sees our hearts, our fears, our worries, our panic, our shame. The things that cause the behaviour. And He holds us. He protects us from wrath through His own forgiveness and speaks life and truth into us. 

In our house (like many homes with small children) we have sang the songs from Disney’s Frozen over and over and over! And whilst—yes—I would love to be able to listen to a different album, there is a line from the song “Fixer Upper” which says:

“If you’re mad, or scared or stressed. Throw a little love their way and you’ll bring out the best.” 

This is one of the mottos of our home. The way to combat anger, fear and overwhelm is through love. Jesus said that perfect love casts out all fear. Now, my love might not be perfect but it’s a start. In these moments where children are melting down the best thing we can do is show them love. Show them compassion. Represent the Father well. 

In the morning after this incident, I went in to wake Isla up. She straight away began talking about a girl at school who she calls “Shouty Girl”. Yesterday, “Shouty Girl” had shouted at her. I said, “Oh, was it just you or everyone?” She replied, “Everyone.” “Oh, and so what did you do?” I asked. To which her reply blew me away: “I hugged her … and she hugged me.” 

If we want to create kind and compassionate children, it must first start with us. How we represent it within our homes and model it to our children. To show them that they can let all their “uglies” out and it be ok. So that when other children are struggling and letting their “uglies” out, they know exactly what to do to help and are confident and caring in doing so.  

In that moment, I couldn’t have been more proud of her. My kind, compassionate world-changer revealing the heart of the Father to those in need.