Praying Prodigals Home

We all know prodigals.

David Delk, president of Man in the Mirror Ministries, quotes statistics that 85 percent of children in America drop out of church before graduation; of those, only 40 percent return. Said another way, currently only 60 percent of children raised in church follow Jesus as adults. That means 40 percent of the children in our churches this past Sunday will grow up to become spiritual prodigals.We all have prodigals in our lives and in our families. Even Billy and Ruth Graham, the best-known Christians of this past century, saw two of their five children live as spiritual wanderers, going through ugly seasons of rebellion, drinking, and drug abuse before eventually returning to the Lord. Another of their children experienced the pain of two broken marriages and saw her children go through a painful series of out-of-wedlock pregnancies, drug use, and eating disorders.We have found that it is possible to pray prodigals home. Whether it is a prodigal son or daughter, mother or father, sister or brother, husband or wife, it is possible to pray them home.

Luke’s Gospel records what is easily the greatest father-son story ever told—Jesus’ tale of the prodigal son and the loving father. First read through the whole story. Then we’ll go back and take a practical look at it through the lens of parenthood and praying your prodigals home.

Then He said: “A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.“

But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.’”“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.” (Luke 15:11-24).

Lessons From the Father

This story can be read on two levels. First, it is the story of a human father and a rebellious son. Second, it is the story of our heavenly Father and His children. In it we can see at least seven clear lessons we can learn from the father of the prodigal son.

1. The father gave his son the opportunity to make mistakes.

It is hard to give someone rope when they have shown that they might just hang themselves with it. I admire this father’s willingness to let his son make mistakes.

2. The father did not let his reputation keep him from doing what he thought was right.

The way the son left would have made the father a target for criticism and gossip in their community. If we are going to effectively minister to the prodigals in our families, we must not allow our reputation to get in the way.

3. The father refused to bail his son out of the mess he made.

This is hard. We hate to see our kids suffer. But the father wisely understood that the pain of the mess is much less than the ultimate destruction brought on by an unchecked prodigal lifestyle.

4. The father did not give up hope.

As long as your prodigal is breathing, there is hope. You may have looked hopeless at one time, but God has revolutionized your life.

5. The father kept the light on and the welcome mat out for the son to come home.

A college friend of mine, Drew, had a dad who was the pastor of a large and influential church. In his teen years, Drew went through a rough period of rebellion. Of those years he writes,

"One of the most powerful memories I have of my prodigal years in high school is my Dad devotedly coming to my bedside at night to touch my arm, rub my forehead, and tell me he loved me. He knew my heart was far from him—and God. And he must have known that his expressions of love would not be reciprocated, but rejected. Still he came in, sat down on my bedside, and in effect hung a 'Welcome Home' sign for me."

6. The father extended full forgiveness.

When the son returned, the father gave unconditional forgiveness! Forgiveness does not mean that you forget the pain and hurt. It does mean that you choose not to let it affect your treatment of the offender.

7. The father probably had been praying all the time.

It’s not explicitly stated in the text, but the fact that the father saw his son coming a long way off tells me that he had been praying and believing all the time.

Strategies for Praying Prodigals Home

 From this story, I find nearly a dozen insights into how to pray for prodigals.

1. Ask the Father to parent the prodigal.

Remind God that the prodigal is one of His own children—at least as the Creator. Ask Him to lovingly protect them, discipline them, and draw them to Himself. Ask the Lord to go rescue the prodigal as a shepherd rescues a lamb that strays from the flock.

2. Pray that you don’t get bitter.

The father refused to get bitter. Parents who have had a child rebel against them and their values can experience intense pain and despair. When they see their own children walk away from all they want for them—and especially a relationship with God—it can be as upsetting as watching them die.

3. Pray for the grace to let them go.

The prodigal’s father let his son go. He didn’t lay a religious guilt trip on his son, but instead let him go. Pray for grace not to lay judgment on the prodigal. Pray for grace to keep your mouth shut and your heart open with love and compassion. Pray for grace not to speak critically or judgmentally.

4. Pray for endurance.

We don’t know how long the prodigal was gone. The father had a huge estate and it would have taken years to blow through it. Plus, after the son spent all the money, he spent time feeding pigs. It can take years to see the fruit of intercession for prodigals. Keep praying.

5. Pray for famine.

But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want (Luke 15:14).The boy ran out of money and got hungry more quickly because there was a famine in the land. Pray that whatever or whoever they are placing their trust in—outside of Jesus—would dry up. Pray for disillusionment toward the very things that once drew them and held them captive. Pray that what once brought them pleasure would be dry and barren to them. Pray that the novelty will wear off.There was a time when one of my sons foolishly insisted on leaving home and doing his thing, his way. We prayed specifically that he would get cold and hungry, and would want to come home.He did get cold and hungry. Then he came home.

6. Pray for holy hunger or holy homesickness.

But when he came to himself, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!” (Luke 15:17)

Pray that they’d get spiritually hungry and thirsty. Pray that they would long for the relationship they once had with their family, church, and the Father.

7. Pray he or she would come to their senses.

“But when he came to himself.” Pray the young person would realize something is wrong. Pray for their eyes to be opened to the truth of their situation, and pray against the delusion the enemy would try to bring.

8. Pray for gifts of repentance.

“I will arise and go to my Father.” Repentance describes a change of mind leading to a change of heart and then a resulting change of behavior. It means to turn and go in a new direction. Spiritual repentance is a spiritual gift. Ask the Father to give your prodigal the gift of repentance.

9. Pray that the prodigal will have the ability to receive the grace of God.

Pray that the prodigal would be able to receive the Father’s love and forgiveness. Some prodigals may have lived very immoral lives and they can’t imagine the Father ever wanting them back. They feel as if they have crossed some sort of line so that the Lord would not be able to bless them again.

10. Pray for “welcoming love.”

Pray for a love that would be open and warm to the prodigals even when they are still in sin. Love does not mean condoning their actions, but does mean wanting what is best for them, doing what is best for them. It is accepting them even when you cannot accept their behavior. Pray from the disposition of love, not of judgment and anger.

11. Pray that the Lord will pour out His riches when the prodigal returns.

Ask the Lord to lavish His love on the prodigal. Pray that when the prodigal returns that he or she will receive blessing upon blessing—spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially.

It Works!

Some of you are saying, but I have prayed for the prodigals in my life. Let me encourage you—don’t stop! It does work. Let me tell you my own prodigal story.

My sister Carol (who is 12 years older than I am), was the number one girl in the youth group of our church. She went to college and fell in love with a young man named Don. Don was a Catholic and not yet born again. Carol asked our pastor at the time if they could be married in our home church; he refused. Our pastor said that joining Carol, a Baptist, with Don, a Catholic, would create an unequal yoke (see 2 Cor. 6:14). This made Carol bitter and she dropped out of church.

A few years later, the same pastor married his son, a Baptist, to a Catholic girl in our church. This made my mom bitter. She became a person who seemed to at best barely tolerate God. She only attended church on Sunday mornings, sat in the back, came late, and left early. I don’t recall ever seeing her read her Bible during that time. I never heard her pray. She never spoke about spiritual things. In fact when I told her I thought God was calling me to be a pastor, her reply was, “Oh, no. Not that.”Concerned for my sister and my mother, I put both names on my daily prayer list. After years of daily calling Mom’s name out to God, something happened. Cathy and I were meeting my parents at a restaurant when my mom walked in with a new countenance. The hard, heavy clouded-over expression was replaced with a bright sunny smile. During the meal, I was shocked to hear my ultra-quiet Mom speak with the waitress about her relationship with Christ. As we walked to the parking lot, my mother shocked me again by putting Gospel pamphlets on the windshields of the cars. She had turned into an evangelist!

“Mom,” I asked, “What on earth has happened to you?”

She told us how she had been invited to a women’s small group Bible study. There she learned to let go of her bitterness and yield everything to God. She also learned to pray for my sister. When Mom came home to God, Dad stepped up his relationship with God, too. Soon we were all praying regularly for Carol.

Things Got Worse

Have you ever prayed for something or someone and things got worse before they got better? That’s what happened with my sister. We had prayed for her consistently for nearly a decade when one day, out of the blue, she called a family meeting. She and Don sat on one side of the table, Mom, Dad, Cathy, and I on the other.“From now on,” Carol said, “I do not want to be considered part of this family.”

We were dumbfounded to hear my sister tell us she disowned us as her family.The next thing we knew, she and Don got up and left. Very shortly after that, Carol left Don and moved to another state.

I have to admit that I quit praying for Carol because it did not seem to be working. Fortunately, Mom and Dad did not stop. Every day they called Carol’s name out to God.We did not see her or hear from her for years. One day our youngest son Luke was looking at an old family photo album. He pointed at a picture of a lady and asked, “Daddy who is that lady with you and Mommy?”It was Carol. He could not remember ever seeing her before.

A Christmas Surprise

One Christmas Eve as I got up to lead one of several Christmas Eve services at our church, I looked out in the audience and was shocked by what I saw. About halfway back, on the middle aisle sat Carol, Don, and their two daughters. We spoke with them after the service and were surprised to find that they had recently gotten back together and had moved from a town 75 miles away to a town only 15 minutes away from our church.Carol began to attend some of our family events and even came to our church about once a month. One Saturday while we watched my boys at a sporting event, she surprised me again.“I think I would join your church,” she stated, “except for three things.”

After regaining my composure, I asked, “What are the three things?”“I think abortion is all right; I think homosexuality is OK; and I hate Jerry Falwell.”

I chuckled at her third excuse, but I could see that she was serious. “Well,” I started, “you have been to our church enough times now to know that the big issue is Jesus Christ. What we focus on is a person’s relationship with Jesus, not abortion, homosexuality, or Jerry Falwell. We believe that once you have a real relationship with Him, you can read the Bible and see what He thinks about abortion, homosexuality, or Jerry Falwell.”

That seemed to satisfy her and she started coming to church every Sunday morning.A few months later, I walked up on the platform to lead a Sunday evening celebration of the Lord’s Table. When I looked out into the audience I was shocked to see my sister sitting about halfway back on the middle aisle. We had an amazing time with the Lord that night as we seriously considered His death, burial, and resurrection for our sins. We confessed our sins and praised His name.After the service I was walking down the aisle to go into the lobby to meet people. Carol grabbed me as I approached her and put me in a bear hug. I noticed tears on her face as she leaned to whisper in my ear. I will never forget what she said.“It’s good to be home,” she said. “It’s been 30 years since I celebrated the Lord’s Table and it is so good to finally be home.”

The Rest of the Story

A few years later, Mom went to Heaven. The last few years of her life she had become a mighty prayer warrior. Less than five feet tall and weighing less than 100 pounds, she prayed with a simple, direct faith that got amazing results. Now she was gone. I remember bemoaning the fact that my best prayer partner was no longer with us. I wondered who would ever take her place.About a week later we had a family get together at my sister’s house. Exactly as my mom had done, she made us all grab hands and led us in a prayer. It was eerily familiar. She prayed with simple, direct faith exactly like Mom had done.Beyond that, Carol has become quite a spiritual fireball in her own right. She has traveled the world on mission trips. She went from being in a small-group Bible study, to leading one, to now coaching 15 women’s Bible study leaders.I love to tell her story. It reminds us that it is possible to pray prodigal loved ones home.

The Rest of the Story…Part Two

I was speaking at a church one Friday night and I concluded the message by telling how prayer had brought Mom and Carol home to God. When I gave an opportunity for people to come and pray for prodigal loved ones, many responded. One couple especially caught my attention because they seemed especially broken as they wept at the prayer altar.After the service they told me about their daughter Ashley. A 19-year-old, Ashley had run away from home six weeks earlier and they did not know where she was. We prayed a special prayer for God to touch Ashley’s heart and call her home. I looked at my watch and prayed, “Lord, we do not know where Ashley is, but you do. Right now, at 8:33 P.M., we ask that you would speak to her heart. Make her hungry for home. Bring her to her senses and call her home to you.”

They thanked me and said they would not be able to come back the next night because of a prior commitment, but that they would be back on Sunday. I forgot about it. God did not.The next night as I was speaking, I noticed a young lady I had not seen there the night before. I did not think anymore about it.

After the service I was standing in the lobby and the young lady ran up to me and hugged me.Taken aback by her forwardness I asked, “Who are you?”

“I’m Ashley,” she said. “Last night at 8:33 I had an overwhelming longing to go home. I went home to Mom and Dad. Tonight I came home to God.”We all know prodigals. I hope the story of the prodigal son and the stories I have shared in this chapter encourage you to keep praying until your prodigals come home.

Your Turn

Identify the prodigals in your life. Who are they? Is it your son or daughter? Is it your grandson or granddaughter? Your brother or sister? Mom or Dad? Your husband or wife? Ex-husband or ex-wife? Write the name(s) here:                                               . Determine to pray for them until they come home to their heavenly Father.

Lord, I pray for the prodigal(s) in my life.

Please parent them. Pursue them. Draw them to you. Their rebellion against You has hurt us and others. Please keep us from getting bitter toward them.Help us persist in praying until they come home.

If necessary, dry up the relationships and circumstances they are trusting in more than you.

Make them spiritually hungry and thirsty. Make them homesick for us, for church, and for You.

Help them come to their senses.Give them the gift to repent, to change directions, and “come home” to You.

Help them receive Your grace. Pour out undeserved blessing on them after they come back to You.