Seek His Face

Growing up, I was a partier, drug abuser, womanizer, and rebel. My teenage years were spent chasing carnal pleasure. If it made me high, I wanted to try it—like a true hedonist. A hedonist is someone who seeks pleasure and sensual self-indulgence above all else. The lifestyle I was living was fun for a period of time, but it eventually took a serious toll on me. My parents would tell me that they feel God’s presence and even hear Him speak to them. Because I never had such an encounter, I thought they were crazy—Jesus freaks.

Because I didn’t want to face reality, I shrugged off any sign of God’s hand in my life as a coincidence. My perception of God as a teenager was warped and delusional. I imagined Him as more of a cosmic killjoy who wanted to steal all my fun and sit me in a boring church service every Sunday morning. Nothing about living as a Christian was appealing to me whatsoever. My eyes were veiled and I couldn’t see Him for who He truly is. All I knew was that God hated everything that my friends and this world esteemed; premarital sex with multiple partners, drugs and alcohol, partying, and being the stereotypical “bad boy” was praised among my high school peers. The draw of the world was more enticing then the image of God that was presented to me by the religious system that I witnessed growing up.

However, after high school the parties got crazier and my addictions grew worse. My hedonistic tendencies drove me to places I never imagined I would go. I tried drugs and hurt people in ways I swore I never would. My incessant reckless behavior brought trouble to my doorstep time and time again. Sin took me further than I wanted to go and made me pay a price higher than I was willing to pay. It promised me satisfaction and failed to deliver all it promised. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way. Looking back now, the Lord has shown me the times that His hand of protection was over me, preserving my life. And there were other times He allowed me to eat the fruit of my perverse ways, revealing the consequences of living in darkness. I am truly grateful to Him for not allowing me to get away with all of my stupidity. Seeing my pre-Christ days with a new lens showed me how merciful God was in letting me come to the end of myself.I spiraled into a depression. I tried more drugs, friends, girls, money, etc., but it was wasted time and energy. Happiness couldn’t be found in a pill, a pint, green paper (money), or a person. Every time I fell helplessly short, still searching for someone or something to cure my internal disease. Slowly but surely, I was warming up to the idea of seeking God for help. My family was urged by Holy Spirit to pray more intensely than ever before because they sensed my breakthrough was near. They claimed me day and night for the kingdom of heaven and refused to be moved by what they saw in the natural. “For we live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV). I’d sit in my room, open my Bible, and the Scriptures began to intrigue me like never before. But satan was not pleased with my heart opening like a budding flower to the Spirit’s prodding, and so, at the same time that my heart was opening to the Lord, suicidal thoughts started to plague my mind. The kingdom of darkness was warring hard to destroy me anyway it could. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). This continued until one fateful afternoon that I will never forget. On that day, when I couldn’t bear the battle any longer, I came to approach God as my last resort.I was alone in my room, or at least I thought I was. I began to pray to God with desperation. Tears were running down my face and my heart was bare before Him. With the only ounce of strength I could muster, my lips uttered to Him, “Change me God, I need You. Reveal Yourself to me.” I grabbed my Bible and the first book I opened up to was the prophet Jeremiah. My eyes locked in on chapter 31 verse 16, which says, “‘Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears; for your work will be rewarded,’ declares the Lord. ‘They will return from the land of the enemy.'"Suddenly, like a mighty rushing wind, I felt the power and glory of His presence all around me. Instantly, my heart was consumed with His love and chills ran down my spine from His touch. My heavenly Father’s arms wrapped me with His warm, accepting embrace. All at once my restlessness vanished and I was finally at ease. He calmed me and gave me a peace unlike any other; a peace the world never gave. I never felt anything so beautiful, so pure, and so powerful in my whole life. He restored my ability to experience the glory of His presence that I was always destined to know. My heart was so utterly undone that living life as usual was no longer an option. Not only did my senses awaken to feel Him, but also I heard the small, yet firm voice of Holy Spirit within me. “You are My son, and I have plans for your life.” Those words shot through me like a lightning bolt, yet they brought such a peaceful calm to my once unsettled and anxious soul.

Years later, my mother told me that when she was seeking comfort from God during my “rebel years” the Lord gave her Jeremiah 31:16 as a promise Scripture about my salvation. How amazing is our heavenly Father for using that same Scripture to bring the salvation He promised years prior to my praying mother? The Lord is faithful to His Word.

Solomon’s Example

Solomon was King David’s son. He took his father’s place as the king of Israel after he died. He was considered the wisest man who ever lived, besides Jesus Himself. Kings and queens from around the world traveled long distances just to meet him and witness Solomon’s splendor and wisdom firsthand. During his reign he spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered 1,005 (1 Kings 4:32 NIV). That is quite impressive if you ask me! He may have been wise in his sayings, but unfortunately he failed to heed his owns words throughout the majority of his life. King Solomon was fourteen years old when he became king. Imagine that! At fourteen you’re barely hitting puberty and trying to cover your pimples, let alone leading an entire nation in its affairs. Towards the end of his life, he penned vulnerable words that resonate throughout the ages for our benefit.

“I enlarged my works: I built houses for myself; I planted vineyards for myself; I made gardens and parks for myself and I planted in them all kinds of fruit trees; I made ponds of water for myself from which to irrigate a forest of growing trees. I bought male and female slaves and I had home born slaves. Also, I possessed flocks and herds larger than all who preceded me in Jerusalem. Also, I collected for myself silver and gold and the treasures of kings and provinces. I provided for myself male and female singers and the pleasures of men—many concubines…my wisdom also stood by me” - Ecclesiastes 2:4-9

Notice the emphasis I put on the repeated phrase “for myself.” Solomon accomplished all of these things with only himself in mind. He did what was pleasing to him, not the Lord. By seeking his own pleasure, instead of seeking what would please God’s heart, he felt the weighty repercussions of his choices. There’s no denying the tremendous anointing and abilities given to Solomon, but his life was consumed with the wrong things. As a child, Solomon grew up in the presence of God and he witnessed his father’s radical devotion to the Lord firsthand. As a result, he was familiar with the move of God, but didn’t know the rhythms of His heart. He was able to operate in the anointing of the Spirit but didn’t intimately know the love of God for himself. What was King Solomon’s conclusion in it all?

“All that my eyes desired I did not refuse them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure…and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun” - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

At the end of the day, when all was said and done, he came to a realization—much like mine—that all of his self-seeking was for nothing. The book of Ecclesiastes was written towards the end of Solomon’s life and most of it can sound pretty miserable. It’s the story of a man who had it all and still couldn’t find true happiness. By the end of his life, he came to a strong conclusion. “The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person” (Ecclesiastes 12:13).More cars, bigger houses, the latest technology, a hot spouse, having a vacation home in Hawaii, or even having a large, dynamic ministry cannot bring you the peace and satisfaction your soul longs for. Only Jesus can. It doesn’t come through living life with only your own interests in mind, but seeking the interests of Him who is worthy. As the church moves from self-centered to Christ-centered, she will truly shine as the radiant and spotless bride that Jesus dreamed of in His heart from eternity past.

David’s Example

King David was a whole different story from his son, Solomon. He was by no means perfect; he definitely had his fair share of failures— massive blunders if you will. But the huge difference between him and his son was he was a man after God’s own heart. While Solomon’s main focus was the inferior pleasures of sin, David was enraptured and captivated by the superior pleasures of God’s immeasurable love towards him.

“Here’s one thing I crave from God, the one thing I seek above all else: I want the privilege of living with Him, every moment in His house, finding the sweet loveliness of His face; filled with awe, delighting in His glory and grace” - Psalm 27:4 TPT“My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” - Psalm 84:2 NIV

These are only a few of King David’s numerous verses of adoration and desire towards the Lord. All throughout the Psalms you see David’s passion bleeding through the pages. David was adorned with riches, glory and fame but he always kept his relationship with God central—in its proper place. The world’s riches were his, but that wasn’t the source of his bliss, they were the benefits of his faithfulness. God’s presence was the joy of David’s life. He craved intimacy with God more than anything this world could offer him.The presence of God is the pleasure we are created to indulge. If you have one too many mixed drinks at the bar, the bartender will cut you off, but God will never cut you off from drinking in His presence till your heart’s content. When you taste and see that God is good, you lose the taste for things of the world. When you’re love-drunk on God’s Spirit, you say a determined no to the spirits that try to adamantly allure you into their entrapments. The passing pleasures of sin fade away the more you are filled with awe by the loveliness of Jesus’ face. A fascinating truth is that in the Hebrew language there is no such word for our word presence that refers to God’s presence. Every time you see this word used in the Old Testament, it can be best-translated “face,” as in God’s face. From this angle, we can now see the true interpretation of Psalm 16:11, “In His face there is fullness of joy.” Like Moses, in Exodus 33, he’s described as a friend of God, speaking with Him face-to-face. Do you want to see God like Moses did? Do you want to know the affections of the Lord as keenly as David? The good news is that even greater supernatural dimensions are available to you because of the finished work of Christ and His indwelling Spirit within you.